Who is a Mother ??

Is ‘motherhood’ only about gender ? Has ‘motherhood’ to do with giving birth either ? Can we really identify a person who gave birth only as a mother ?

Ustad Alauddin Khan,the famous musician,teacher,composer had two daughters. His younger daughter was a famous sitarist Annapurna Devi . He had another daughter,his elder daughter,who was a simple girl,did not study much and was his father’s favourite. She was married off at a young age. At her in-law’s house she was one day asked to cook beef . Alauddin said that though we re Muslims,we worshipped cows and didn’t eat beef. Jahanara,his elder daughter , requested her husband with folded hands not to force her to cook beef but her request went unheard and she was forced to cook beef. She did,but was so upset and felt so guilty that she left eating. And died. Alauddin writes, “ ...aar meyeta amar na kheye more gelo. “ (and my daughter died fasting). Simple words but in each word we can feel his grief,his loss,his feeling of guilt,his helplessness. Here, can we say that Alauddin was any less a mother ?? Was his loss any less than any mother’s ?? This piece was read to me by a male friend of mine. While reading this my friend had to take pause, control his tears to go through the whole piece. His reaction made me think , is his feeling any less than mine just because he is a man ?

I have a friend,whose mother unfortunately died at a very young age leaving behind her and her little brother. Her father at that time was at a complete loss...two little children,no one at home to look after them and his job where he had to travel extensively. Whenever he was away in his office tour he would call his children from 6am in the morning till they got up,instruct them to get dressed up,take their tiffin box,arrange their books,go to school. It was early 80’s ,  a time when cell phones didn’t exist and very few homes had telephones. Her father though away physically was always on the phone instructing and running his home , his heart and mind was always with his little kids. Here can he be called any less a mother ??

When a 4yr brother has to take over the role of a mother to his 2yr sister as they lost their parents due to natural calamity , or when we see a dog feeding young kittens as their mother cat died under a car...the question always arises does only giving birth make one a mother ??

                                                

My  son calls my mother “Maa” , something nobody taught him. When he learnt to speak,he one day suddenly addressed his grandmas “Maa”. His calling his grandma Maa was so natural and appropriate. It was my mother who literally brought him up, stayed awake at nights with him...and he has a different attachment with her,ofcourse more than he has with me . She is actually more of a mother to him than me . Only giving birth don’t make one a mother.

Motherhood is a feeling , it is an attachment , it is a responsibility , it is about selfless love , it is about loving someone more than oneself , it is about someone giving meaning to one’s life . Motherhood definitely has nothing to do with only giving birth or gender.